So we've got to take back the country from people what don't like books n' learnin'. There's a chance a huge Watergatesque scandal will erupt from evidence that Diebold changed votes to Bush/Cheney, hence the exit poll results that varied so wildly from results. But I won't hold my breath. My first step: take out the brainwasher that keeps feeding the world propaganda in the guise of news. All the main feed for FOX News is handled by the Telstar 6 Satellite at 93 degrees west longitude.



Now, I think I've got a way that a few us should be able to triangulate its position using just home satellite dishes, so I'll need a few of you who live on the peripheries of North America to coordinate with. Next, we'll need a volunteer to get hold of one of these:



That's an ASAT, antisatellite missile, which should knock the Telstar 6 out nicely. Another volunteer (preferably a jet pilot) will have to lay their hands on an F-16 to deliver the ASAT to the proper altitude and speed to launch into space. Look, I didn't say this was going to be easy, and I know some of you are afraid to lose other FOX signals. Don't worry: the feeds that carry your favorite reality shows like The Littlest Groom and shows such as The Simpsons are on another satellite and won't be affected by Operation Arcturus.

Strangely, many Bush people were angry in recent months about other countries poking their noses into our election, but don't mind this network run by an Australian (a former penal colony, you'll remember) telling us what's what in the U.S. T minus 99 and counting...