Channel the entity "Jeff Parker" from beyond the Ether

Thursday, January 27, 2005

No You Don't Have Food Poisoning 

Let's just continue Ailment Week here at the Oracle and end on a rant, which stems from my rant today in the studio. Artist Drew Johnson (Wonder Woman) was questioning his friend's claim that he got food poisoning from a restaurant they ate at the night before, and that got me started. In the past few years, everyone seems to keep throwing around the term whenever they get sick. My retort: Really? Did everyone in the restaurant come down with something afterwards? Did you have to go have your stomach pumped? Did your abdominal pain and diarrhea last for days? No? Then you Didn't Get Food Poisoning.

Maybe people are embarrassed to admit they've caught the flu, as if it's some point of pride to resist a common virus. And maybe they're making an unfair correlation--"I threw up the pasta primavera I ate earlier, so that Italian place poisoned me. No, the virus you could have picked up anywhere, most likely from handling something, the food is just ammo. But it's likely your cooks weren't using unpasteurized milk, or conveying parasites to your entree. Yet you're willing to make statements that could get the place shut down by health inspectors. So let's quit trying to blame everyone for your chaotic bowels.

When you probably did get some bacterial intrusion is if you've been in a country where the water isn't that well regulated and filtered. I had a horchata in Mexico that kept me imprisoned at home for days when I returned. And that's probably still a mild case. So bust people's chops when they overreact and make such claims. These are the same people that say "I have a migraine" whenever they get a headache. Ask people who really have migraines what it's like- they get completely laid out and often have their vision impaired (wow, I squeezed in an extra rant!).
So anyway, go get your flu shots and stop pretending you live in a third world country. Now I'm trying to think of other trendy illness claims that people make nowadays. When did we become a nation of hypochondriacs? It's like all the callers on the Public Radio show, The People's Pharmacy, out of my home state of NC. That one's just for pal Chuck Wojtkiewicz, who was particularly irked by the self-medicating crybabies that called the show all the time, being way too familiar with prescription drugs. Okay, that's enough scat for today, my apologies.


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